Twin of the BWL
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: A new take on the standard Harry as the twin of the BWL, minus a load of dross.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP or anything else JK Rowling might claim.**

**Title: Twin of the BWL**

**Chapter: Prologue: War's End**

Harry slumped down, almost falling, before being caught by Ron and Hermione. Voldemort was dead and Harry wasn't feeling too good himself. "We won?" Harry asked numbly, still shaking from exhaustion and cruciatus exposure.

"Yes Harry, we won," Hermione said, slinging his left arm over her shoulder.

"Yeah mate! The snakes got squashed and we get punch and pie!" Ron said, slinging Harry's right arm over his shoulder.

"Punch and pie?" the two muggle raised students asked in confusion.

"Yeah, punch and pie. You'd never get so many wizards and witches into a brawl like this without a promise of punch and pie," Ron said solemnly.

Harry and Hermione shared a look that all but shouted 'wizards are insane' before the three staggered like a drunken crab towards the school and Madame Pomphrey. The cheers of the light surrounding them as the dark laid down their wands, knowing they had no chance of winning this battle.

* * *

The entire castle was packed to the rafters as Hogwarts hosted the victory party. The guest of honor Harry 'The-Man-Who-Won' Potter was absent as Madame Pomphrey was still subjecting him to a variety of potions and spells.

"And this will take care of your eyesight, although you should still keep the glasses," Madame Pomphrey explained as she finished up.

"Why would I need glasses if you fixed my eyesight?" Harry asked confused.

"The same reason Dumbledore did and Minerva still does; glasses can be enchanted seven ways from Sunday with detection charms that not only allow you to understand more about magic, but also warn you of danger."

"I never thought of that. So what spells do I need to make my glasses work like Moody's eye then?"

Pomphrey looked startled. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Well you were just saying I should enchant my glasses and Mad-Eye Moody had his eye enchanted."

Pomphrey blushed. "Yes, but his eye wasn't enchanted for that purpose. Mad-Eye was a pervert who enchanted his eye to see through clothing. He became a great duelist because of the number of people that attacked him because his eye made them mad. In fact, that's why he was called 'Mad-Eye'."

Harry just stared at her, until she finally broke down laughing. "Sorry, couldn't resist. Mad-Eye's eye did see through clothes, but he only added that to search for hidden weapons, still I always teased him about it," she said wistfully.

"We lost a lot of good people," Harry sighed.

"Yes, we did," she said solemnly before grinning. "And a lot of bad ones got blown to hell. Not bad work, for a fifth year dropout."

"Harry began to smile. "Yeah".

"Now, off you go."

"I can go?" he asked, stunned.

"I'm certain that any attempts on my part to keep you here would result in rioting from the rest of the school," she replied dryly.

Harry groaned. "Merlin, I hate crowds."

"Best get used to it, dear. If you thought being the Boy-Who-Lived was bad… well, being the Man-Who-Won will be much, much worse."

"I don't suppose you'd help me fake my own Death?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Not on your life; the crowd would tear me apart!"

"Oh well, guess I have to face them then."

Madame Pomphrey quickly pushed Harry out the door where Hermione and Ron were waiting to take him to the Great Hall.

Hermione fussed with his collar as they stopped. "Do you have any idea what you're going to say?"

"I was thinking of pushing Ron forward and having him speak," Harry said, trying not to laugh as Ron turned pale.

"Don't you dare!" she commanded. "The people want to hear from you, not us!"

"Yeah mate," Ron said relieved. "You're the Man-Who-Conquered."

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. "I should have fled while I had the chance."

Hermione sighed in exasperation. "Just go out there, say a few words and then join the party. I have a speech written out if you like," she offered, holding out a large scroll.

Harry refused. "I've already got it planned, but thanks."

Harry braced himself, hoping Hermione was right and comforted by the fact that Ron looked just as nervous as him. As they pushed open the doors to the Great Hall, a wave of sound rolled out with almost physical force, knocking them back a step. The three started forward as the magically expanded room, seeming to contain the entire magical population of Britain, cheered them on. The room fell silent as Harry stepped up to the podium with his two best friends behind him.

"There's a lot I'd like to say, but I hate speaking in public, so let me sum it up in one simple sentence. Be excellent to each other," he said solemnly as the crowd began to applaud, "and party on dudes!" he finished, throwing his hands out and igniting a wave of applause that shook the rafters.

Hermione just stared at Harry while Ron grinned.

Harry decided to try and turn the crowd's energy to his favor while he had the chance when he heard them chanting 'Man-Who-Conquered!"

"I'm not one for titles, so if you all could do me one little favor, call me just Harry, please."

The crowd immediately changed their chant to 'Just Harry' which quickly mutated into 'Harry the Just'.

Harry shrugged it off and joined the party; at least it was shorter than the title they tried to give him.

He smiled, thinking the nightmare was over, not realizing he'd soon wish he was just facing Voldemort once more.

* * *

"Harry? Harry? Speak to me Harry! Please tell me you're alright!" a distraught girl cried tearfully over him.

He was pretty sure it was Hermione as he was sure he'd gone through this before. "Where, what, why, whine?" Harry found himself saying remarkably clearly, despite the fact that he was pretty sure he should be mumbling and slurring.

"You're in the infirmary again," Hermione explained. "Ginny slipped you something and it reacted badly to the nerve regrowth potion you're on. "Ginny is a tad insane, sorry," Hermione apologized lamely. "And I am not carrying on. I was worried about you."

Madame Pomphrey chose that moment to appear. "He almost died three times, it's not that big a deal," she snorted. "He's had worse injuries playing Quidditch. A little willingly donated acromantula venom combined with some Re'em's blood and he's fine."

"Venom, verbal?" Harry asked.

"Well, since you survived being bitten by a basilisk I figured acromantula venom was no big deal, especially willingly given venom. It has remarkable regenerative properties, provided you don't die from how poisonous it is. You'll be able to speak normally by this afternoon; parts of your brain are being regrown. Between the Amortentia and the Cruciatus, and what looks to be damage from an amateur Legimancer banging away in there with a hammer, it was quite a mess. I don't think the malnutrition did you any favors either, but like I said, you'll be fine," Poppy assured him.

"Night, nanny," Harry said and quickly drifted off.

"Cheeky bugger," Poppy said, before tucking the blankets in around him and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"He'll really be okay?" Hermione asked worriedly.

Madame Pomphrey smiled gently at her. She'd been worried last night herself, but a formidable looking white owl had dropped a small rock on his chest followed by a familiar looking phoenix doing the same with a wand and Harry had immediately improved. Pomphrey knew exactly what they were and the fact that Harry had them wasn't all that suspicious when she thought about it. Not having to worry about Harry dying had given her a lot of leeway in how to treat him.

Acromantula venom alone would have killed a healthy patient, although it did wonderful things to their brain before they died, sharpening the memory to such an extent that it was quite common for people bitten to choose to watch their entire life flash before their eyes before they died. Having the venom willingly given was unheard of, well, in a friendly fashion anyway, and enhanced its positive traits.

Pomphrey wasn't sure how Hagrid had talked one of his 'pets' into doing so. Hagrid had just happened to have some spare Re'em blood on him… Pomphrey had almost giggled at that. Re'em blood was valuable, rare, illegal… Hagrid may have been considered a bid dim to most of the people who knew him, but his skill in getting illegal pets and supplies was legendary.

* * *

Harry sighed and mentally went over things again, as he watched the veil of death wave in an unfelt breath.

He'd paid the goblins about 150k to hire a couple of 'problem solvers' to arrange accidents for about a dozen people who'd somehow managed to get away with only a year in Azkaban or less for their crimes during the war. Normally the cost would have been a lot steeper, but since Harry gave them a deadline of five years, it allowed them to take their time and ensure their own safety and comfort, which really cut down on their asking price.

Harry had found out that he did have another vault filled with Potter Family heirlooms, when he paid them, but most of it was just old junk really, nothing really useful, since anything useful the Ministry had declared Dark, and the Potters, being a Light family, had turned in to be destroyed. Of course all the Dark families had kept their own 'Dark Artifacts' and the Ministry hadn't destroyed anything that was turned over to them so much as hoarded it. The sheer number of useful magical items he'd found in the Department of Mysteries was staggering!

Doorways that connected to each other regardless of distance had been declared dark, as they could be used for smuggling.

Books of Kharmatic spells that would ensure good things would happen to good people while bad things happen to bad people had been seized, as the Ministry claimed that only they were allowed to decide what justice was.

Books on obscure magic had been seized as… well they never really gave a reason, they'd just seized them saying only magic approved by the ministry was allowed. Harry was pretty pissed after seeing the warehouse filled with 'Dark' items while all the truly dark items had somehow walked out of the Ministry and into the hidden rooms of pureblood families. He was rather grateful that inbreeding had so reduced their intelligence, because otherwise one of them could have realized what a gold mine the items not used to cause pain and torment were.

Harry had felt perfectly justified in pocketing the entire storage area, using one of the items that had been declared dark because someone could steal an entire… ok, they just may have a point about the snow globe that contained an island; it had made it easy for Harry to clean out the place.

He'd taken all their notes too! Every piece of paper in the department had been packed and pocketed. Since the ministry was working to stamp out knowledge he'd decided to help them by removing it. Just one of his many good deeds!

Harry thought he might have overreacted a bit, but really, what was he to do?

He was called 'Harry the Just' everywhere he went and he couldn't even get a decent night's sleep without some witch or *shudder* wizard trying to climb into his bed. Harry may have been many things, but a master warder was not one of them and since his 'fans' had been known to have curse breaking teams to get through any wards he hired the goblins to put up… well, he was pretty paranoid by this point.

He'd thought he had something special with Ginny, well right up until she said he'd never be happy unless he was chasing Voldemort. That had been a rather large clue that she had never seen him as 'just Harry' at all. At the party celebrating Voldemort's defeat he'd attempted to talk to her but she'd managed to distract him by demonstrating why the Weasley's had such large families.

Something had reacted badly with the medical potions he was on and he awoke a week later with healers explaining that love potions and nerve regrowth potions were a bad combination and a very apologetic Weasley family.

Apparently Ginny had a few screws come loose following her first year and no one had noticed. Between the war and family and friends dying they were pretty sure she didn't have one screw tightened at that point.

Once it became known that 'The' Harry Potter was single again he didn't get a moments peace.

He later found out that he'd been awarded the coffers and estates of over a dozen Death Eater families who'd died out during the war and had been cadet houses of the Black family.

Yeah, being just Harry was getting harder and harder to be when stalked by groupies and gold diggers all the time.

He'd thought he'd have problems with uncaptured Death Eaters trying to kill him, but the first one who'd managed to get close and draw a wand had been ripped apart by the girls trying to get close to him. It was a mixed blessing as even though he was safe from Death Eaters he was pretty sure that he'd meet a similar fate if he ever got close to them as they fought over him.

Harry sighed and rubbed his temples. Things had really come to a head four months after Voldemort's defeat. Molly had informed Harry that Ginny was pregnant with his child and unless he married her the Ministry would prosecute her for line theft due to how the baby was conceived, and execute her and the baby both. Molly had been frantic. She didn't think that Harry marrying Ginny would be good for Ginny at all, but she didn't want to see her daughter killed and killing a child that shared her and her adopted son's blood was unthinkable.

Harry, having not gotten a full night's sleep or even more than three hours straight sleep in months told her not to worry, he would take care of everything and asked Molly if there was anything she could do to slow down Ginny's pregnancy long enough for another woman to get pregnant and give birth.

Molly had assumed that Harry was already with someone and had been relieved. If Harry's secret lover gave birth first her child would be the heir and Ginny couldn't be charged. She assured Harry that she could have Ginny sleep for the next ten months with a potion that would keep her from giving birth until that point.

Harry, not being of sound mind from lack of sleep and justified paranoia came up with a plan. He'd simply ask some of his female friends for help and explain the situation.

He dismissed Luna from consideration, because he wasn't planning on sticking around and knew the baby would need a stable father to counterbalance its … extraordinary mother. The Lovegood family may have seemed just this side of crazy to most, but the truth was they were amazing sane for what the families driving passion was. The Lovegood family wasn't just cryptozoologists, hell they were even beyond the professional dabblers in what man wasn't meant to know (AKA the Unspeakables). They were best described as finders of things that lurk in the outer darkness, who would then poke them with a stick…repeatedly.

Harry was pretty sure all the prophecies about squid like creatures from beyond that failed to come true were because the Lovegoods had found and poked them until they had gotten fed up and gone off to sulk far away from humanity for a few extra millennia.

So, Harry reluctantly decided that Luna was out, which was a shame because she was one of the few girls he trusted might want him for him.

Hermione was with Ron. Harry really didn't know what to make of that pair, until he'd accidentally overheard the two in private. Apparently Ron liked to be dominated and Hermione liked to dominate. Looking back at the way the two acted knowing that little tidbit made their relationship very clear.

He needed a girl who would be willing to be a single mom… Harry paused and rethought that bit. He needed a girl that wouldn't mind carrying his child, but the single bit wasn't necessary, which opened up the number of girls available quite a lot!

Of course, the number of guys willing to let Harry knock up their wife was… well actually that number was pretty large, but the number willing who he knew and trusted to raise his child was rather small.

A few seconds of thought brought up a couple that would probably say yes, but since they had two family lines they needed to carry on as well, he'd probably have to offer to knock up both of them in return for their help.

_Harry stood before the Veil of Death and smiled. One little step and he would be with his family once more._

For the right price the goblins were always helpful. Not cheerful or friendly mind you, but very helpful.

It had been a simple matter to gain their help; he'd just told them that if they'd help him ensure the Potter line continued in England then the majority of his money and assets would remain here.

They had fallen over themselves to help him.

He'd explained his problems in detail and they'd come up with a solution that even most of the magic world thought was a myth.

* * *

Harry nodded at the ferryman and handed him four knuts, four sickles and four galleons. Sure he knew the toll was only two coins, but he planned on a round trip and couldn't remember which ones he was supposed to give him.

The ferryman chuckled and returned them. "There is no fare for you. Professional courtesy," he explained.

Harry smiled at the black robed skeleton, feeling much better now that some of his guesses were confirmed by the ferryman's response.

"I wouldn't say no to some chocolate frogs if you have any," the robed figure hinted.

"Now that I have in abundance," Harry grimaced and pulled out a small box, just large enough for a chocolate frog with 99,876 in red on the cover, and handed it to him. "Keep it; I'll pick up another one when I return."

The ferryman opened the box and a small frog made of chocolate tried to escape, futilely as the ferryman had reflexes like a snake and snagged it out of the air. The ferryman examined the box and found it now read 99,875. "That's a lot of chocolate."

Harry grinned. "The other side stores the cards that go with it. I own part of the company so it was easy to get them to make it for me."

"I'm a coin collector myself," the ferryman said as they poled off into the mist. "But if I can get them to make me something like this it'd be worth investing. I never seem to get enough candy to tide me over in between festivals and holidays where I'm welcome to walk about."

Harry nodded. "If I want anything I have to either disguise myself or have it delivered."

"The perils of fame," the ferryman commented.

They shared a laugh and then the mists cleared and they both fell silent.

"Avalon," the ferryman breathed as they both stared. "I swear that sight never gets old."

Harry nodded. "I just need the rocks where the sirens dwell."

The ferryman grinned, not that he could do much else, but somehow it was now a naughty grin as he looked at Harry.

Harry blushed. "I need to continue my family like before I duck through the Veil."

The ferryman grinned widely. "Now that is not only honest but also a decent reason for visiting them, the only better one would be because you wanted to help a friend."

Harry nodded. "I'm actually helping two friends continue their lines as well, but to be fair that's not my main purpose, as I'm pretty sure that while they can use my help, they don't really need it."

**Typing by Last Primarch! **

**AN: I decided to take a swing at the Twin of the BWL cliches and see what I could come up with.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Twin BWL**

He wasn't sure what he had expected when he stepped through the veil, but while the train station he'd seen last time was one of his guesses, this…

Harry watched a familiar scene play out in front of his eye and then… it did it again. He instinctively knew something was causing it to repeat endlessly, like a broken record and he could see the weight of guilt on Dumbledore's soul. Harry sighed. Truthfully, he didn't really blame Dumbledore nearly as much as Dumbledore blamed himself. Still to remove the weight from Dumbledore's soul…

Harry stepped forward to play his part again...

"Damn you are one ugly baby," Harry muttered as he quickly removed his robe so he'd have something to wrap the child in.

"You needn't concern yourself with it," Dumbledore began only for Harry to interrupt him.

"You are the last person I would ever accept advice from on how to deal with a child," Harry said firmly, apparently unsurprised at Dumbledore's appearance, as he picked up the child.

"Pardon?" Dumbledore asked confused by Harry's attitude.

"You manipulated my whole life from beginning to end to ensure I would commit suicide by Voldemort, but that's just one of your many crimes."

"A sacrifice was needed to save our world," Dumbledore tried to excuse himself.

"I don't doubt you had the very best of intentions," Harry said, heavily emphasizing the last word. "But your actions are what caused all of this in the first place. You decided to coddle evil rather than punish it."

"Everyone deserves a second chance," the old wizard said.

'Not when the cost of that second chance is another's only chance. I cannot tell you the number of people that died, but I can tell you how many Slytherins you persuaded to follow the light by your treatment of them; zero."

"Draco, -" Dumbledore began.

"-Didn't have the balls to kill someone himself but was more than happy to let a band of killers into the school to kill others that he felt were beneath him."

A black and silver train pulled into the station and Harry headed towards it carrying the baby.

"Harry, wait! You can still go back!"

"Back to a world created by your machinations where good is punished and evil rewarded? I don't think so, besides I rather like having a brain unclouded by potions and malnutrition."

"How did you know…" Dumbledore trailed off.

"What you did?" Harry smirked. "The Master of Death isn't just a fancy title and all your manipulations were for nothing, because as soon as I took the stone in my hand I was the Master of all three. I immediately knew all about the circumstances leading to my death and the reasons behind them."

"You need to go back, my plan-"

"I've gone through more than enough crap for several lifetimes and I have no intention of saving the world you've created with your hubris."

"Hubris?" Dumbledore sputtered, though whether he was more surprised by Harry's refusal or a teenage boy actually using the word correctly was up for debate.

'Maybe making him live the life he put me through would teach him a few things,' Harry thought, beginning to grin evilly.

"Albus 'more middle names than you can shake a stick at' Dumbledore, you are sentenced to live the life you planned for me from beginning to end, never remembering your own life until it is time for your next great adventure. May you learn much from it," Harry commanded and with a wave of his hand, Dumbledore vanished.

"And now…"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry looked warily around. 'Maybe coming back as a baby wasn't such a hot idea, cause this is going to get boring real quick!' Harry thought to himself.

Suddenly a red blur reached into the room and started painting runes in her own blood on them and covering it with glamours while things downstairs got loud.

'Oh yeah, I requested siblings in this lifetime.'

The door to the nursery exploded inward and Voldemort strode in, still looking fully human. The scene replayed much as it had happened originally, but Voldemort only stunned Lily, since he had promised Severus he would not harm her, before turning to the crib and regarding the two toddlers. Harry sat there quietly while his twin cried loudly.

"Well that make the choice of who to kill first easy," Voldemort muttered before tossing an Avada Kedavra straight at the crying child while saying "Peek-A-Boo".

Harry was rather impressed that Voldemort could speak while casting a spell wordlessly, but he still laughed when the spell rebounded off his brother's forehead and blasted Voldy into a bodiless spirit. "Got your nose," Harry said in a childish voice that no one was awake to hear.

Harry found himself dozing off a moment later only waking long enough to hear Dumbledore declare his brother the Boy-Who-Lived. 'Better him than me,' Harry thought to himself before dozing off once more. A single day of being bored out of his mind was all it took before Harry decided to lock all his memories away until he was older for the sake of his sanity, because being a baby sucked!

Almost a decade passed before Harry 'awoke' again.

Finding himself dressed in a tiny brown robe cleaning an old unused room while glamoured to look like a house elf, he knew something had gone wrong. A quick examination of his memories of the last decade made him groan. 'Damn Dursleys, even being completely shut of them hadn't stopped them from screwing up my childhood.'

With his twin being the 'Boy-Who-Lived' Harry had spent the majority of his time in the care of house elves, add to that the Dursley's training on how to behave seeping in to his subconscious and you have a small child who spends his time 'playing' house elf. Harry just sort of faded into the background wherever possible and had gotten good enough at wandless cleaning and repairing charms that he'd made Maddy and Flomen, the house elves who had raised him, very proud and his cooking skills had become world class! Harry found that being raised by a pair of lesbian house elves left him a lot healthier and happier than he'd ever been at the Dursleys .

Sure his plan to sleep away the time before Hogwarts and gain a normal childhood hadn't worked out remotely as planned, but it still beat the hell out of what Dumbledore had provided the first time around. Harry finished cleaning the room before summoning Maddy and Flomen. Dropping the glamour on himself he turned to the two. "It's almost time to start Hogwarts so I'll need to start getting ready."

Two pairs of large green eyes teared up but he quickly gathered them into a hug. "You've been great parents, the best I could ever hope for, but I need to learn what they can teach me. I promise I'll visit."

"Youse better or Flomen will tan youse hide," the little green elf promised, wiping her eyes.

"Maddy don't want her Harry to leave even though Maddy knows is for best. Hogwarts elves have lots to teach," the plumper of the two said.

Harry blinked at that. "They do?"

Large floppy ears flapped wildly as his elf mothers started talking over each other about classes they'd taken and things they'd learned there.

"I can learn how to pop?!" Harry asked excitedly.

Maddy nodded. "All third years learn after intro class done and basic complete."

"I'm going to be busy," Harry chuckled. "Because I'm also taking the wizarding courses."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry wasn't quite sure what to call Lily. She hadn't exactly raised him though she did give birth to him so calling her Mrs. Potter was a bit too formal, but Mum didn't exactly fit. He supposed he'd have to call Lily like he did in his head. Walking up to the breakfast table, Harry gave a small wave to get Lily's attention. "I need to go to Diagon Alley to get my school supplies."

"Ummm," John began nervously as everyone seemed too shocked to respond. "Squibs don't go to Hogwarts."

Harry snapped his fingers and John was suddenly spitting out soap.

"Oops, accidental magic," Harry said blandly.

"You didn't get a letter," James said stunned.

"Magical twins can fool the locator quill into thinking there is only one magical child. Tell them to consult the book because according to Hogwarts a History, Helga was much more meticulous about the spellwork on that than Godric was on the locator quill. Godric designed the quill to read and locate magical signatures without thinking of possible overlap. He was always straightforward when he should have tried subtlety like his curse on the Headmaster's position," Harry explained. "Regardless, I need the key to my trust vault so I can buy school supplies."

"Trust vault?" James asked with a sinking feeling.

"All Potters are to be issued a trust vault at age five with an initial deposit of ten thousand galleons, and an automatic deposit of one hundred a month from then on, to provide for their care and if need be education, which is normally paid for from the main vault," Harry explained. "It's the duty of the head of the House of Potter, according to great-grandfather's journal."

"I forgot to have a key made for your trust vault," James said. "Why don't you finish breakfast while I go get it?"

"Sure," Harry said agreeably taking James' seat while he quickly apparated out.

"So you're the horribly deformed squib that eats bad little girls who go into their big brother's rooms?" a little red haired girl asked wide eyed.

John groaned and Lily snapped out, "Lisa!"

"Apparently," Harry said agreeably. "Then again, I could just be your older brother who you never met because I was given to the elves and forgotten about."

"So what was that about a curse on the Headmaster's position?" Lily asked suddenly trying to change the subject while she figured out what had happened to make her forget her child.

Harry took the change of subject in stride. They were his family even if they had become a bit corrupted by fame. "Godric was a really straight forward guy," he explained. "So to guard against a headmaster using the school as a political tool to discriminate against muggleborn, he laid a curse on the position that would only affect headmasters who refused entry to children who had the magic and money to attend. It was meant to protect muggleborn, but Godric was too straightforward and never thought of a Headmaster turning away halfbloods and purebloods so it protects all three by default. I think that actually works better as a deterrent from political manipulations using children as tools, so it's possible Godric did think of that, probably after talking to Salazar or Helga."

"Wasn't Salazar a bad guy?" Lisa asked.

"Nah, he built the school with Rowena, Helga and Godric. They'd hardly have allowed him to join if he was evil, but his second son went bad and became a Dark Lord. Salazar tried to stop him and died, so Godric had to fight him. All that everyone remembers is that Slytherin fought Godric and lost, so Godric's best friend gets mixed up with his evil son."

"He hated muggleborn," John said.

"Nope, but after muggles raped and killed his daughter he hated muggles. He never had a problem with muggleborn."

"Where are you getting all this information from?" Lily asked.

"Potter family journals. We're an old family, though the best journals are hidden and you have to find them yourself. Apparently we're quirky as well as old."

James apparated in with a crack and handed Harry a key. "Here you go, sorry it took so long, there was a bit of a line."

"No problem," Harry said agreeably. "Remind Hogwarts to send me a letter, I'm off to collect my supplies now."

As Harry flued away, the Potters quickly questioned each other on how they could have possibly forgotten about Harry for so long and why they'd thought he was a squib. Harry almost hurt himself laughing now that he didn't have to keep a straight face. He was sure the Headmaster's curse would make sure he got to go to Hogwarts and the 'Head Potters' duty would ensure he was never broke. 'It's scary how gullible magic people are,' he thought to himself as he left.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry waited in line patiently till he got to the front. "I need to make a withdrawal and I want a better interest rate on my vault."

"One percent interest is standard," the goblin said firmly.

"I want eight!" Harry demanded growling.

"Hah! I wouldn't give Merlin himself better than two!" the goblin retorted.

Harry climbed up on top of the counter and launched himself at the goblin, slamming them both to the ground. "Six!" Harry demanded.

"You'll take three and like it!" the goblin countered smashing Harry against the wall.

"Four!" Harry yelled, head-butting the goblin before sinking his teeth into one of its ears.

Goblins gathered round behind the counter, jockeying for position and passing galleons back and forth as the two argued terms and fought one another while the humans waited in line. Normally the goblin would have won easily, but Harry had drunk Re'ems blood before coming in just in preparation for this fight. It took another half hour before they'd settled terms and it had cost them both a fair amount of hair and teeth, as well as an ear apiece.

"I think this is your ear," Crackarse said, holding up a small pink ear. "But it's so small you might as well grow another as reattach it."

"Humans don't grow new ears," Harry replied holding up a greenish ear that was twice as large.

"Really?" Crackarse asked. "Makes me feel a bit bad for biting it off then."

"Meh," Harry waved it off and held the goblin's ear to the side of his head for a moment until he could feel his magic responding to it like it was his own. "Keep it, I'll just use the one I bit off you."

The goblin laughed as Harry practiced wiggling his new ear. "For a human, you're alright. Most of the humans are too stuffy to haggle and throw a fit when they lose a body part."

"As far as I can tell most humans are idiots who'll follow anyone who tells them they're better than someone else."

"Racial insecurity," Crackarse said, shaking his head. "A shame."

"If it wasn't for the fact that so many of them are obviously inferior I'd agree. If I cared about my species as a whole I'd organize a cull, starting with the most inbred who have nothing to contribute."

"That's a most goblinlike attitude, sure you aren't part goblin?"

Harry wiggled his goblin ear at the teller and grinned.

"John Potter?!" a teenage girl squealed from the other side of the counter. "Could I have your autograph?"

"I'm Harry Potter," he said, moving his hair aside to show his blemish free forehead.

"Oh," the girl said disappointed. "The twin squib. I don't suppose you could tell me about your brother and maybe give him a note from me?"

"It's time like this I really wish I could just stab people who ask me about my brother," Harry said thoughtfully causing the girl to pale and step away from the counter.

"All you have to do is put an ad in the paper the day before you start, and run it for a period of two weeks," Crackarse said. "That's considered fair warning for stabbing people with a fork. Once you have a receipt you can get a license for it at the Ministry."

"Does the Quibbler count?"

"The Prophet has a better circulation."

"Yeah, so I wouldn't get to stab as many people."

The goblin laughed. "You may only be part goblin, but you certainly have a goblin sized pair."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Hello Mr. Lovegood, I'm here to molest your daughter… erm sorry, slip of the tongue… I mean I'm here to place an ad."

Mr. Lovegood examined Harry carefully. "It's not an ad about your intentions of molesting my daughter is it?"

"No, it's to stab people with a fork who ask me about my brother," Harry replied.

Mr. Lovegood relaxed a bit until Harry asked, "Just out of curiosity what are the laws about putting an ad in the paper to molest your daughter?" If it hadn't been for the potions Dumbledore had slipped in his food he was pretty sure he'd have ended up with Luna.

Harry found himself being turned around by an older blond woman who bore a striking resemblance to Luna. Examining him carefully, even going so far as to check his teeth. "You'll do," she said. "Luna you have a suitor," she called out.

"Oh goody!" Luna came out of the back room. "Harry Potter?"

"How'd you know it was me?" Harry asked surprised.

"You're wearing a shirt that says 'I'm Harry Potter, ask me about my brother and I'll stab you with a fork."

Harry blushed. "Forgot about that."

"He blushes cutely," Luna said, examining him carefully. "And he's good teeth. Also his ears are pointed and just a little greenish (Harry's minor metamorphagus ability had done its best to make Harry's ears match) and I like that. I'll take him!"

"Do I need to put up an ad so I can stab people who insult of bully Luna with a fork as well?" Harry asked.

"You're legally entitled to challenge them to a duel, for insulting or assaulting your intended, and after you challenge them and get their agreement to the duel, you may stab to your heart's content."

"Wonderful!" Harry beamed.

"You really should wear my favor on your arm, but I don't have any garter belts and I've never been one for scarves," Luna said thoughtfully.

"How about a radish earing?"

"It's hard to find nice shapely radishes" Luna pouted. "I've had to order seeds from America so I can grow some pretty ones. For some strange reason people grow them based on taste and size rather than looks, almost as if they were food rather than decorations."

"People can be strange that way," Harry agreed. "But what I was thinking was having one made out of silver, hollow with a bell inside so it'd ring when I moved my head."

"That does sound nice," Mrs. Lovegood admitted.

"In fact, why don't I take Luna with me tomorrow and I'll get her a pair made while we get our stuff for school?"

"It's a bit early for that," Mrs. Lovegood said. "Luna doesn't start school until next year."

"So she'll start early," Harry waved it off. "As long as we show up with everything we need and the money to pay for the year, we'll be fine."

"You have an in with Dumbledore because your brother is the Boy-Who-Lived?" Mr. Lovegood asked.

Harry pulled out a fork, but Luna quickly hugged him keeping him from stabbing her father. "I know it's tempting to stab daddy but-"

"I shouldn't stab my lady's father?" Harry asked.

"Not until tomorrow when it's legal," Luna said, making Harry smile.

"That and this question really is about Dumbledore," Mr. Lovegood pointed out.

"Oh, sorry for jumping the gun there but I fully intend to stab anyone who asks a question that has my brother mentioned even tangentially."

"Let me rephrase it then," Mr. Lovegood offered. "Do you have an in with the Headmaster?"

"Nope, but Godric cursed the position so that no Headmaster could intentionally turn away a student who was magical enough to attend and had the money to pay for it without the curse falling on him. He was best friends with Salazar at the time, so we really don't know what it could possibly do."

"How did you find out about it?"

Harry grinned. "The Potters are an old family and one prone to writing journals. Of course, they are also prone to making you prove yourself if you want to read them, so you have to find them yourself."

Mr. Lovegood wrote down everything Harry said. "This will make for a wonderful article, I'm sure I can find records of students who were turned away and bad things happening to headmasters with little effort and have it ready for this evening's edition."

"Write me a receipt for my ad first, I want to get my license to stab for shopping with Luna tomorrow."

Harry paused. He had been dosed with love potion, but Ginny hadn't really been responsible being certifiable. "I'll welcome any friend you choose to bring."

"Tomorrow at eight?"

"Perfect, see you then," Harry said, giving Luna a kiss on the check before collecting his receipt.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Is this the office of obscure licenses?" Harry asked, waking an old wizard whose beard was even longer than Dumbledore's and was covered in dust.

The man sprang up and then spent a minute coughing from inhaling the cloud of dust he'd raised, before reaching out and calling a staff to hand that he used to clean himself off with a simple wave.

"This is the office of obscure licenses, how did you find it?"

"Goblins," Harry replied.

"OK, yes, they're immune to the obscurement spell on this office, but they haven't favored a human enough to tell one about it in eighty years."

"I bit the ear off of one during contract negotiations."

"Yeah, that'd do it. So what do you need?"

"I need a license to stab people with forks and any other interesting ones you'd suggest, so you can back to sleeping and I don't have to come here ever again."

The old man looked at a sundial on the wall that was casting a shadow, despite there being no sun and it being in the wrong position.

Looking closely he could see the shadow was almost to a line reading Second Rise of Vol… when the old man waved his staff and the sundial vanished.

"Let's get you kitted out," the man said hitting the butt of his staff against the ground and causing a wallet to appear on the counter. "Here's everything, get out."

"Thanks…" Harry said slowly while opening the wallet and finding it filled with licenses. Nodding he backed out the office door and just before the door vanished he heard the old man mumble, "Not as comfortable as sleeping inside an oak, and more visitors. Damn loggers…"

Harry decided not to think too much about it. In fact he was all in favor of going home, getting a good night sleep and pretending it was all a dream. Mind made up, Harry called for Maddy who popped him home. "I can't wait for tomorrow!"

**Typing by: Last Primarch!**

**AN: Last chapter wasn't specifically written for this story. It's several different ideas I tried out and then realized what I actually wanted to write, so it doesn't fit perfectly. In fact, I think half of it I wrote with Preconceptions in mind. Fortunately I was able to file off at least some of the serial numbers and hammer it in place, by the simple process of screwing with time like a back dated check! Enjoy!**

**Review and remember to thank my Typist, it distracts them from their many, many escape attempts! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The Potters were still talking about Harry when he returned.

"How could we have forgotten him?" Lily demanded.

"I don't know," James replied, shaking his head. "I mean there have been a few cases where accidental magic and low self-esteem has made family forget about a member or altered their perception of them, but they've all been moody teens."

"I thought you'd kept him with the house elves cause he was a squib," John admitted.

"It doesn't matter what happened," James said running his fingers through his hair. "It matters what we do now. How do you make up to your eldest son for forgetting he exists for a decade?!"

"You could start by signing a piece of parchment saying I am exempt from having to participate in all of Dumbledore's plots," Harry suggested.

"How long have you been here?" Lily asked.

"Just arrived at 'making it up to me'," Harry replied.

"Oh," Lily said quietly.

"Dumbledore's plots?" James asked confused.

"Yeah," Harry said agreeably. "If you don't think he makes huge complicated plots where he manipulates everyone for the greater good then it's just a silly piece of paper for a prank I'm planning," Harry said cheerfully, handing James a contract that they quickly signed.

"And this makes up for everything?" Lily asked hopefully.

"About eighty percent," Harry promised. "The final twenty is treating me like family, without getting clingy or ordering me around. I don't like publicity or attention from the public and I'm about as independent as a cat."

"I don't suppose that's too much to ask for," James admitted.

Harry thought everything was going pretty well when he was suddenly covered in crying redhead and he'd never gotten the skills to deal with crying women. "There, there," he tried, patting her on the back awkwardly.

"I'm a horrible mother!" Lily wailed.

"Lisa and John look fine, so I don't think you can be a horrible mother," Harry offered, which made Lily cry even more.

"She thinks she's a horrible mother because of what happened to you," James explained.

"Well that's just silly," Harry declared firmly. "A magical accident happened and made you think I was dead. For you to be a horrible mother you'd have to be the one that cast a spell on me making it happen."

"Someone cast a spell on you?" Lily asked her tears slowing to a trickle.

"Nope, and therefore you can't be a horrible mother," Harry said firmly, his tone calming her down.

"You don't hate me?" Lily asked.

"Not a bit," Harry promised. "Just because we aren't close doesn't mean you are a bad mother, it just means that things beyond your control happened. Hell, it was probably a side effect of Voldemort's death curse. There you are, it's all Voldy's fault!"

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Really," Harry promised. "You fought the curses effects well enough to turn me over to the house elves to raise rather than abandon me for dead, which is what the curse wanted," Harry said, surprised he hadn't been struck by lightning.

John and Lisa watched in silence not sure how they were supposed to feel as James helped Lily back to her seat.

"You can tell everyone the backwash of the spell made everyone think I was dead, but you managed to fight off the spells effects long enough to get me to the house elves. The day I turned eleven my magic finally managed to beat back the remains of the curse, so here I am."

"And the shirt?" James asked curiously.

Harry looked down and realized he was still wearing his 'fork you' shirt. "That's to keep away Boy-Who-Lived groupies because we're twins."

"You can't just go around stabbing people because they annoy you," James said.

Harry pulled a license out of his wallet and handed it to James.

"Ok, maybe you can," James said in shock.

"Will you have lunch with us?" Lily asked hopefully.

"Sure," Harry Promised.

"I'll tell Paddy to set another place for lunch," Lily said.

Harry laughed so hard he fell over.

"What's so funny?" James asked, hating to miss a good joke.

Harry regained control of himself and stood up. "Everyone watch carefully now," he said before snapping his fingers and turning into a strange looking house elf in a small brown robe with a walking stick taller than he was.

"Paddy!?" everyone exclaimed.

"You are our brilliant cook!?" James exclaimed.

"Yep. Flomel and Maddy don't know much about raising a human child, so they raised me as their own child, but insisted I know about the human world as well," Harry said cheerfully wondering if his tongue was actually going to fork if he kept this up. Snapping his fingers he returned to normal.

"They made you cook and clean?" John asked horrified.

Harry laughed. "Actually I was forbidden from cleaning, so I became determined to prove I could clean just as well as they could. As for the cooking… well it started as a hobby, but since I enjoyed it so much Flomel and Maddy would have other elves who specialized in cooking come and show me all their tricks, but for the last year, I've been the one teaching them."

"But I've seen Paddy cook," Lily said. "He used house elf magic."

Harry snapped his fingers and Lily's makeups and hair repaired themselves, stunning the Potters.

"So… what kind of wand did you get?" James asked, changing the subject.

"Haven't gotten one yet. I got a license to stab people, put an order in the Quibbler and arranged to start courting Luna Lovegood. Tomorrow we are going shopping for our school supplies, so I've decided to have her start school a bit early with me. I believe the Quibbler is going to run an article about the Headmaster's curse. Be interesting to see what they find."

"Luna?" Lily asked. "I don't think I've met her."

"Well her father runs the Quibbler, which is basically a clearinghouse for conspiracy theories and exobiology," Harry explained. "But since a lot of conspiracies sound crazy, especially the ones that actually exist and at least eighty percent of the magical creatures require extreme measures to see, its mostly written off as nonsensical, so the family has gotten a reputation for being insane."

"You mean the creatures he describes exist?" James asked, apparently being passingly familiar with the paper.

"Oh yes," Harry replied. "Although some are extinct and others are either fey creatures that have retreated from reality or don't have enough belief to materialize anywhere but the astral plane." Harry still remembered the way Hermione had frozen like a statue when she'd found that out while researching about the fey and the astral plane and their connection with prophecy.

"I'd always thought he made them up," James said.

"He does make up some of them," Harry admitted. "He figures that certain things have to exist, because something has to prey on this or that, but the thing to remember is that the realm of the fay is imagination given form, so he either dreams the creatures into existence or learns about their existence from dreams."

"That makes my brain hurt," John announced.

"That's the fay for you," Harry said with a shrug. "It's the source of headaches and magic, one more than the other and I'm not sure which."

"Back to Luna," Lily suggested.

"While her father is a dreamer, her mother is the exact opposite, and Luna comes somewhere in between. She's strangely practical about things most people deny the existence of," Harry summed up. "And judging by her mother, she's just going to get even better looking as she ages."

"You can't judge a woman by her mother," Lily said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, it's best to look at older sisters and aunts on both sides for how she's going to turn out," James said.

"James!" Lilly exclaimed before smacking him on the shoulder.

"OW! What? It's just common sense," he defended himself.

"Does that mean I'm not going to get Mommy's big boobies?" Lisa asked sadly.

"Lisa!" Lily exclaimed.

"Big boobies run in the family, of course you'll get them," James assured her, only to get smacked in the shoulder again.

"And if you don't get them naturally, I know ways both magical and muggle to get the job done. So do well in Hogwarts and as a graduation present I'll make sure you get a nice pair," Harry promised.

Lily started banging her head against the table as Lisa tackled her older brother and attempted to hug him to death.

"That's my boy," James said proudly while wiping a tear from his eye.

***0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0***

Maddy popped Harry to the front door of the Quibbler. "Now, youse being extra careful. Remember witches and wizards not being all there," she warned, leaping up and giving Harry a hug before vanishing.

"That has to be the friendliest house elf I've ever seen," Ginny said, drawing Harry's attention to the two girls who were waiting for him.

"She raised me like a son," Harry replied, before introducing himself. "Harry Potter."

"Ginny Weasley," she replied offering her hand.

Harry shook her hand and grabbed Luna's. "We need to stop at a store that sells forks and then the bank."

"Why forks?" Ginny asked.

"So I can stab people who ask me about my brother."

"Don't you carry a fork for that purpose?" Ginny asked, really glad Luna had shown her the ad in the latest Quibbler.

"Yeah, but stabbing everyone with the same fork is a bit unsanitary," Harry explained. "So I want to get a plethora of forks for all occasions."

"Normally I'd suggest Sorana's Silverware, but since you only want forks… there is a place on the edge of Knockturn Alley-" Luna began.

"Not Knockturn Alley?!" Ginny gasped horrified.

"It's only two doors in," Luna said. "And it's next to a nice little donut shop where the Aurors like to hang out."

"Oh, ok," Ginny looked relieved. "As long as there are Aurors present."

***0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0***

"Knockturn Alley… a greater hive of scum and villainy cannot be found in the magical world without being sued by George Lucas," harry announced pompously. "The cobblestones were darker, as if even the rain couldn't wash away the darkness that stained the very soul of the place," he mocked, making Ginny giggle and Luna snort.

"Knockturn Alley, where hopes and dreams are sold to the wise and foolish alike…along with gardening supplies and those little mints you find on your pillow at the better hotels," Harry said, his voice rising above the crowd of shoppers that surrounded them as they stared down an alley that was almost artfully cloaked in shadows.

Suddenly feeling silly the dozen or so people slinking through the shadows stepped back into the light and simply walked to their destinations.

Harry and the girls' entry into the alley started a flood of shoppers into the place, as common sense reasserted itself for a brief moment that any actual dark dealings wouldn't occur in so public a venue and that having so few shoppers they probably had some pretty good deals.

Luna led them straight to a shop with a sign that read 'Fork em all, let God sort them out'.

"This is perfect, thanks, hon," Harry said giving her a peck on the cheek that made her blush bright red.

"Welcome to Fork em all, I'm the proprietor, The Blue Raja," a thin older man with just a hint of an American accent said in an effeminate voice. He was dressed like an Indian prince and his turban had a large blue jewel on the front.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Harry Potter."

"Any relation to John Potter?" he asked.

Harry whipped out a fork, but the man blocked it easily with one of his own and simply raised an eyebrow. "A Grecian salad fork? While I applaud the resourcefulness that went into your choice of weapon the aerodynamics suck and the short tines mean a lower overall penetration capability."

"This was simply making a point as the flare on the outer tines works almost as well as barbs at damaging the skin."

"Superficial damage is much too easily healed," the Blue Raja said shaking his head. "Longer tines means that it takes longer to heal and leaves a more lasting impression."

"You may have a point there," Harry admitted. "Shall we take this outside?"

"Agreed. Rules?"

"Fork fights have no rules."

The Blue Raja chuckled. "I am a master of all silverware."

"So you… what?" Harry asked. "Stab people with knives?"

"I'm the Blue Raja, not Knifey Boy," he snorted in disdain. "I use all the tools at my disposal, but knives are too easy. They are the dark side of the forks. No, to a true master only forks are for stabbing, else you might as well become a butcher and save us all some time."

"Indeed," Harry agreed eagerly as they stepped out into the Alley itself.

**AN: Typing by Last Primarch!**


	4. Chapter 4

Harry and the Blue Raja faced each other across the ten foot dueling circle that had been drawn on the cobblestone.

"To first blood, begin," Luna announced and Harry found himself being forced to dodge a trio of forks that shot out from under one of the concealing sleeves of the Blue Raja's Indian finery.

Realizing that he had only the one fork and couldn't afford to turn his back to grab the ones already thrown that were stuck in the dueling shield, Harry quickly closed with his foe. Harry didn't even have to dodge the Blue Raja's next two throws, as apparently he'd fumbled them trying to fling two at the same time, one from each hand, and stuck them in the sides of the shield.

As Harry closed the last few feet the Blue Raja smirked and intentionally flung two more forks to the side, before whipping out a long tined fork and easily blocking Harry's lunge.

The ping of the two forks ricocheting loudly registered as Harry stepped back unable to overpower the Blue Raja in his eleven year old body, even with the Re'em's blood enhancing his strength. As he began to lunge low, counting on his height, or lack thereof, to get in a low blow Harry suddenly grabbed his buttocks in pain as two Grecian salad forks had nailed him, one in each cheek.

"Winner, the Blue Raja," Luna announced as the shield fell, dropping the suspended weapons to the ground and the residents of the alley passed gold around to pay off the bets they'd made.

The Blue Raja helped Harry into his shop while Luna and Ginny collected a couple of wagers.

Harry was just buckling up his pants when the two girls entered. "OK, you were right, those healed much too easily and they haven't left even a tingle. What do you suggest as a good stabbing set? It's obvious I'm not a professional fork fighter I simply have a license to stab people with them."

"You may not be a professional, but you show promise as a silverware slinger. I'd suggest a pair of all-purpose wrist holsters. Standard loads for them are twelve settings American tableware. I recommend them because while they lack embellishment the smooth lines make them very aerodynamic and the stainless steel construction makes them quite a bit sturdier than the local brands."

"I'll take them," Harry said. "But I need specialized loads composed of just forks, as that's all I can legally stab people with outside of a duel."

"Just stabbing or is throwing allowed as well?"

"Anything that makes tines pierce flesh is considered stabbing as far as I'm concerned."

"That opens up our options a little bit," the Blue Raja said with a grin.

As the two discussed tableware the girls split the money they'd made.

"I wish I could go to Hogwarts with you two," Ginny said. "Mum is going to drive me spare with Ron gone."

"You can always ask Harry and see if he knows a way to help you," Luna suggested.

"Do you really think he can?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"The worst thing that can happen is you end up stuck at home for a year and you're already facing that."

"Good point."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Dumbledore shook his beard and chuckled. The Headmasters curse had amused, then worried, then amused him once more.

He'd been amused at the idea until Mr. Lovegood had shown compelling evidence of a curse. Who knew that previous Headmasters had all received cheese related injuries? He'd worried that he'd brought it on himself until a thorough check of his memories had shown him to have avoided turning anyone away regardless of whether they could pay or not. The closest he'd come had been finding alternative schooling for a couple of students who had problems of some type or another that couldn't be handled at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore settled back in his chair, happy that simply being the light wizard he was had saved him from an unjust fate.

"Really only a fool would turn away students that could be raised and taught to work for the good of society."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry flipped through his licenses until he found one that he could use. "Yeah, I can get you in a year early. We'll get you everything for school today and bring it with us to the train, just be sure to be with your family to see Ron off and I'll take care of it there."

"Really?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"Yup," Harry said cheerfully.

"I-I don't know how I'll be able to afford Hogwarts," Ginny said, realizing she didn't have the money.

"Don't worry about it," Harry said. "All your schooling costs from supplies to clothing to pocket money will be covered."

"What? How?"

"My family is rich," Harry said with a shrug. "I guilted my dad into opening an account for me with enough money to put a dozen people through Hogwarts twice!"

The two girls just stared at him.

"I'm not normal, I know," Harry said.

Luna grabbed one of his hands and pulled him along. "Normal is overrated."

"And probably dull," Ginny added walking with them.

Entering Madam Malkin's, Harry waved the two girls towards the woman's section, thanking the gods the two sections were separated to speed up dealing with the Hogwarts crowds, since the girls always had far more choices and requests than the males, who just wanted to get their shopping done as soon as possible. Taking his place for his measuring with arms outstretched, Harry settled in for a boring ten minutes as the magical tape measure went to work when a familiar sounding voice spoke up.

"Going to Hogwarts?"

Seeing Draco out of the corner of his eye he got an evil idea. "Yep, looking forward to it."

"So am I. I'm hoping to get into Slytherin, though I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad. Better than Hufflepuff at any rate. If I get sorted there I'd quit. How about you?"

"Hufflepuff would be my first choice, but I'll probably get dumped into Gryffindor because of all the crazy things I do when bored."

"You would be a duffer?" Draco asked confused.

"Yeah, I mean… wait. You don't know, do you?"

"Know?" Draco asked.

Harry winced. "I shouldn't have said anything but I thought you knew."

"You can't just leave it at that, not knowing will drive me mad," Draco whined.

"I guess that would be cruel. Ok, I'll tell you, but you have to promise to keep it a secret."

"You have my word," Draco said eagerly.

"OK, the public view of the houses are pretty much bull. Slytherin is supposed to be sneaky, but how sneaky is letting everyone know you're sneaky? A lot of ambitious people go there, but true Slytherins go into Hufflepuff, because everyone trusts the Puffs."

"That's pure genius," Draco said in awe.

"And it doesn't end there. The Puffs are known for being hardworking and loyal, two traits that are severely underestimated. Hardworking sounds like how you would describe a sucker, but… do you really believe that people like You-Know-Who and Dumbledore became powerful by lounging around? Hell no! They built up their personal power through hard work, personal power like that can't be taken from you."

"I…" Draco fell silent, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, and imagine how much higher you could climb when you don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back. Loyalty and hard work are looked down on because someone wants it that way. I'm sure there are a handful of sheep in Hufflepuff, there because they requested to be there, believing the lies, but hidden amongst the sheep are wolves and the very best ones will blend in with the sheep, never letting you know they were anything else."

Draco stood frozen, his world clearly inverted for the moment.

"I know I have the strength, watch." Harry pointed to a ripped robe hanging on a dressmakers dummy and snapped his fingers making the rip vanish like it'd never existed. "But… I lack the guile. Unfortunately I haven't inherited enough insanity so even Ravenclaw is out."

"Insanity?" Draco asked distractedly, awed by seeing someone his age use wandless magic.

"Yeah. Besides lacking subtlety most of the time, I hold grudges I should let go and my revenge is way out of proportion to the crime. Gryffindor is the house of courage they say, and publicly it fits, but they also get everyone too insane to feel fear. Ask any Gryffindor and they'll readily admit it's a madhouse. They do accomplish great things at times, I admit. But you only hear about the successes because the failures die rushing in where angels fear to tread."

"What about Ravenclaw?"

"If Gryffindors rush, the Ravens are the ones who draw the maps. It's not enough for them just to do something that no one in their right minds would attempt, they plot it out step by step in advance rather than doing it in the heat of the moment."

Madam Malkin came out and collected the two tape measures. "I'll have everything ready for pickup tomorrow unless you want something special."

Harry shook his head. "First years can't leave the school and the only reason to get a decked out set would be for a date to Hogsmead. Besides Care of Magical Creatures and Potions and Herbology will more than likely destroy everything we don't outgrow during the first year. I'm good for now."

"Mother insists I have some additional features added," Draco said. "To make the right sort of impression."

"It does help sway the sheep," Harry admitted. "But lacking guile as I've admitted I'm just going to play the power game. Thank god for half-blood vigor," he waved goodbye to Draco and caught the girls, offering an arm to each as he escorted them out.

Narcissa caught the display as she entered and smirked as she joined Draco. "What a little charmer. I recognize the girls with him, but not who he is. HE does look familiar though."

"I forgot to get his name," Draco admitted. "But he did mention something about half-blood vigor."

Narcissa blushed for a moment remembering pureblood girls gossiping about the subject and forced down her blush with a will. "A magically gifted half-blood is a welcome addition every couple of generations to help strengthen magical lines and prevent them from stagnating."

Draco nodded his head thoughtfully.

**Typing by: Last Primarch**


End file.
